


a steady fire

by kairons



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Avatar & Benders Setting, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Bending (Avatar), F/F, F/M, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Politics, Polyamory, Redemption, i'm giving azula the redemption she deserves!!!, listen fuck the comics!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kairons/pseuds/kairons
Summary: After her defeat and breakdown, Azula is imprisoned. Despite giving her the best medical care Zuko could find and his best efforts to support her, she's remained unresponsive since the moment she woke up in prison: completely mute, eyes blank, body moving through the motions of life but doing nothing else. Finally, after three months, Iroh goes to see her, and she begins to wake up for real. As she struggles to sort between her hallucinations and real life, Azula has to figure out how to heal herself. If it works, maybe she can heal her relationship with what's left of her family, or maybe even start to make amends with the Avatar and his friends. But if it doesn't work...well. Azula's always been strong, stronger than almost everyone she knew. She's not going to let that happen.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Aang/Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Mai (Avatar), Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so! I'm really salty ATLA didn't get a book four and that therefore, we missed out on the redemption arc Azula was supposed to get, as confirmed by the creators. I'm going to disregard most of the comics, but I’ll keep some of the cool stuff. Get ready for a ride in which I try to give Azula the redemption she deserved. She was just a fourteen-year-old kid with a super fucked-up dad and family, y'all. She's not exactly innocent, but she sure doesn't deserve to rot away in the dungeons without a single chance to try and recover. And don't tell me Zuko wouldn't be doing his best to help her, because he's an extremely good boy who also deserves the world. And the way he (and Katara) looks at her after the Agni Kai...that's not the look of someone looking for vengeance. That's a kid mourning the bullshit that's happened to his family. 
> 
> This is going to be a story about family, love, redemption, and all the things in between for these two kids. That's all. More chapters to come (probably about once a week, towards the weekend). Enjoy!

_After Azula's loss at the last Agni Kai, she was imprisoned in the capital city prison, the same one where Iroh was locked up and where Ozai was being kept as well. This story begins three months after that. Zuko is Fire Lord and is doing his best to de-imperialize, demobilize the army, and to generally fix the Fire Nation's brokenness. He is helped and accompanied by the Gaang, Mai, Iroh, and others in his new administration that actually think what he's doing is right. It isn't easy. In these three months, the Kyoshi Warriors have already stopped one assassin and foiled another plot before it could start._

_At the end of every week, Zuko makes a point of going to visit Azula, who is attended by the best physicians of the court. The problem is, she's completely unresponsive. She eats, sleeps, and takes care of herself, but otherwise says nothing to anyone and spends her days sitting on her bed, staring at the wall. The healers believe that Azula isn't truly present, and that she's going through the motions of living to cope with the shock of her mental breakdown before the Agni Kai. Zuko, despite everything, just wants his sister to be okay. So he goes to see her, makes sure she gets care, and leans on the Gaang for support, who all have varying opinions on Azula. Even though these opinions differ widely--Katara is angry and can't forgive her for what she did to Aang and Zuko, while Aang thinks she just needs help--everyone pities her. Even Katara can't get the image of Azula, screaming and crying in agony, chained to the ground and unable to control her fire, out of her head some nights._

_Zuko's been insisting out of some sense of responsibility and duty that he be the only one to see her, but it's been three months and nothing has changed. Finally, Iroh insists that he go visit Azula. He and Zuko have a fraught, emotional conversation about Iroh's relationship with Azula, which even before Zuko was exiled, was almost nonexistent. Azula was groomed by Ozai to see Iroh with contempt, and Iroh's attempts to treat Azula like a standard little girl (like when he sent her an Earth Kingdom doll) only served to alienate her from him more. After he returned from Ba Sing Se, he was almost catatonic with grief over his son. Zuko's burning soon after triggered his decision to actively go against the Fire Nation and Ozai, and his prioritization of Zuko and the lack of time involved in the whole situation meant that he never had a chance to intervene on Azula's behalf against Ozai. He explains to Zuko how much he regrets it, and that while it might be too late for him to do anything for Azula now, he wants to try. So, Zuko consents. Now, the story begins._

**Fire Nation Capital Prison**

The guards let Iroh in. "If anything happens, just call for us," Kei, the warden, said, glancing at the princess. "Though I don't think it's very likely." Kei didn't say it unkindly and she sounded more pitying than anything. It said something about how much Azula's reputation had changed in the months since her imprisonment.

"Understood," Iroh said, smiling. "Thank you. Please give us some privacy." Kei nodded, and closed the door behind her.

On the other side of the bars, Azula was sitting on her bed in a small, spartan cell not much different from the one he had been in. It was cleaner, at least, and there was no mess. Azula wasn't exactly working out every day to build up strength for breaking out. He took a seat before the bars. Azula made no indication that she'd noticed him. She just kept breathing. Her eyes were open, dull, blank. She was leaning against the wall, her hands clasped in her lap, her whole body so still that it was unnerving. Her hair was down and her clothes were the plain garb distributed to all prisoners. The overall image was so jarringly different from what he remembered of his niece--the last time he'd seen her was when she and Zuko had returned, victorious, to the capital claiming to have killed the Avatar. He'd seen her in the distance from the prison yard: a slight, upright figure with a martial posture and obvious confidence, alive and present in every sense of the word.

As he looked at Azula now, he understood why Zuko returned from these visits so agitated, sad, and upset. Iroh hadn't even been in the room for more than a few minutes and already, looking at her, all of his guilt--not having the time or the courage to intervene against Ozai's abuse of her, thinking at his lowest moments that she, a child, might be unredeemable, his patronizing dismissal of her during her childhood--rose up, feeling like something choking him. He felt his throat tighten, and he knew his eyes were beginning to water. He had to say something.

"Azula," he said. "It's me. Uncle Iroh. I brought some tea." He set up the tea set before him, pouring hot water from one pot into the other, filled with his favorite fine jasmine tea. He replaced the lid and the faint scent of jasmine began to fill the small room. Azula made no response. He couldn't bring himself to speak again until the tea was ready. Then, he poured some into a cup for her, and then one for himself. He pushed her cup through the bars. He took a breath. The scent of the steam was steadying, comforting.

"Please. If you would like, drink." She didn't move. "I don't know if you're there, or if you can really hear me," he said, holding his own cup close. "But I came because I thought I could try to help. Zuko's been coming to see you by himself these past three months. He thinks that your condition is his fault. It is not, and neither is it yours." He closed his eyes. "Ozai did this. The blame should be put where it belongs...and some of it belongs to me." He took a shaky sip. "I shouldn't have left you to him. You were a prodigy, an uncommonly talented child, and already so much more like Ozai than your brother by the time you were a toddler. Of course he saw himself in you, and treated you as something he could use for himself. He saw that ruthless, cunning streak in you and nurtured it. He taught you how to be cruel and forced you to be a reflection of him. And I sat there and let it happen. I focused on Zuko, because he needed help more immediately, every time--Ozai treated you well most of the time, but he abused Zuko daily until he," and Iroh had to take a breath, always finding it difficult to say, "Finally burned his face and maimed him beyond repair. I am ashamed that I watched it happen and that it took me so many years to realize exactly what kind of a man my brother was."

There was a moment of silence. Iroh sipped his tea again, while Azula said and did nothing. Iroh set his cup down, and let his head hang. "I'm so sorry, Azula," Iroh said, and now he couldn't stop it, he was crying outright. "I'm sorry." He didn't know how long he stayed like that, hot tears dripping down his face and the tea abandoned, cooling, by his side, but suddenly, Azula moved.

He whipped his head up, startled, to see Azula having shifted on the bed to face him. "Azula?" Iroh said, hopeful and afraid. "Do you see me?"

She blinked, her face still blank. "Yes," she said, her voice unusually rough and hoarse from disuse. "I see you."

"Oh, Agni," Iroh said, feeling new tears on his face. "I--"

"Uncle, stop." A trace of her old imperiousness appeared. "Don't grovel. It's unbecoming."

Iroh smiled as he took himself back up, sitting in his usual cross-legged way. He was so relieved. Zuko would be overjoyed to hear about this. "Azula," he said, a little hesitant. "Did you hear what I said to you?"

Azula was quiet, seemingly thinking very hard. "Some of it," she said. "I don't know. It's hard to tell what's real and what's not." She coughed, her throat dry, and Iroh pushed the tea toward her again, but she didn't move. She just stared at him when her fit was done and said, "Are you real?"

"Yes," Iroh said. "I'm real. I'm here." This was new and concerning, but given the reports of how Azula had been acting before her confrontation with Zuko, the notion that she'd been seeing hallucinations was believable. Carefully, he asked, "Why? What do you think is not real?"

Azula's intense, penetrating stare was unnerving, but Iroh could tell that she seemed to be trying very hard to see and observe him. "I don't know," she said. "I know she's real, though." "Who?" Iroh said, frowning. Azula had had no other visitors other than himself and Zuko. A woman? Perhaps one of the guards, like Kei?

"Mother," Azula said, agitated. "She comes to visit all the time. She says--she says--" and at this, she started rocking back and forth. "She says she loves me. But I know that's not true, I know it's not, she thought I was a monster." Azula started grabbing and tearing at her hair, growing more and more frantic. "Why would she say that, Uncle? Why would she say that? What is she planning? What does she want from me?" Iroh was already getting up in alarm, ready to break through the bars to try and comfort her or keep her from harming herself, when Azula just relaxed and went completely still, just as she had been before she'd spoken. Her face went blank and she turned back to the wall she'd been staring at for the last three months.

"Azula?" Iroh said, hands pressed to the bars. "Azula? Can you hear me?" Nothing. No response. The guards opened the door, rushing in.

"General," Kei said, worried. "Are you alright? We heard something." Iroh stepped back from the bars, composing himself before turning to Kei. "It was just me," Iroh said, sheepish. "I was talking to her and I thought she moved in response. I was hopeful and got excited, that's all."

"Ah," Kei said sympathetically. "Did she, then?"

"I don't know," Iroh lied. "Maybe. But it could be a good sign. I'll have to speak to Fire Lord Zuko."

"Of course," Kei said. "Will you be leaving now, then?" "Yes," Iroh said, gathering up his tea set. He paused before picking up Azula's teacup. "Actually, are we allowed to give her things?"

Kei looked uncomfortable, but said, "I suppose so. You're her family."

Iroh poured the undrunk tea back into the pot, and set the cup down on the floor where it had been. "I'll leave this here, then. Perhaps it'll help her remember what I've said."

Kei walked him to the door. "You're a good man, General Iroh." _I'm not_ , he almost said, but caught himself. "I don't know, Warden. But I'm trying." With that, he wished her and the other guards good night, and made his way to Zuko's suite, where the candlelight was burning and the Fire Lord was working through the mountain of paperwork he had to deal with every day. Perhaps Iroh could convince him to take a break. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iroh tells Zuko about what's happening to Azula. It's a bit of a shock, but a bittersweet one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! Again, probably a once a week update kind of thing, probably on Thursdays. Next week, we'll be checking in on Azula herself!

**Zuko's Office, Fire Nation Royal Palace**

It was still relatively early in the night, and Zuko was making good speed through the latest set of dispatches from the Earth Kingdom colonies. Of course, good speed was very relative and really just meant that today, there hadn't been any major incidents beyond the usual protests from the governors, protests from the communities, and protests from the Earth government. Zuko rubbed at his eyes, sighing at the sting. At least Aang and Katara were here, dozing by the fire on the couch after a long day. They were talking quietly, but even though Zuko wasn't listening, he liked it. Their gentle murmurs were nice. He tried not to think too hard about what exactly the relationship between him and them was, but he knew that they were the closest people to him in his life. The thought made him smile.

A knock sounded at the door and all three of them turned. "Hello?" Zuko called. 

"It's me," Iroh said. "May I come in?"

"Yes, of course," Zuko said, getting up to greet him as he came through the door. They embraced and Zuko breathed him in for a moment; the smell of jasmine tea and...stone and damp. The smell of the prison. He stepped back, worried and looking over his uncle. He seemed fine. "Did you just go see Azula?"

"Very astute, nephew," Iroh chuckled. "Come, let's sit. I have some news for you." He glanced over to Katara and Aang. "It's a family matter regarding Azula, but if you all agree, I think they should know about her progress as well." Katara and Aang looked to Zuko, and they all nodded at each other, agreeing to listen to Iroh together.

Katara and Aang, who had waved eagerly to Iroh when they'd seen him, quickly shifted over to make room for him. Zuko pulled up a chair so that all of them were gathered comfortably by the fire, even as his stomach began to twist with worry. "Is it good news or bad news?" he said nervously. He missed how Katara and Aang glanced at each other and then protectively at him.

"It's both, I think," Iroh said tiredly. "I spoke to her. I apologized--"

"You what?" Zuko said, alarmed. Aang and Katara sat up straighter as well, concerned. "You don't have anything to apologize to her for. If anything, she should be apologizing to you for literally shooting you with lightning. She almost killed you!" Katara and Aang nodded in agreement, and Zuko could almost see Aang thinking of the scar on his own back.

Iroh raised his hands, appeasing. "I know. But Zuko..." and suddenly, he looked so tired and like every one of his years weighed on him. "I always helped you. Not her. I never found the time, or I tried in the wrong way, or I simply looked the other way while Ozai twisted her into a version of himself. In my lowest moments, I thought Azula couldn't be saved...but she wasn't born cruel. She was taught to be. You think Ozai was a kind teacher? You weren't there to watch her firebending lessons with him."

Zuko sat back. "What?" he said numbly, slowly. "No...she was perfect. She could do practically any firebending on the first try. Before the Agni Kai, I don't think I ever saw her mess up any move."

"She made--makes--mistakes like any other human being," Iroh said, looking into the fire. "When you slept, Ozai would keep her up through the night, going through forms until she collapsed from exhaustion and was complimented for it. She was just taught, and retained the lesson well, that any mistake would be cause for punishment. And she was always brilliant, smart enough to protect herself and talented enough to pretend to be flawless. Eventually, she was unable to accept flaws in herself at all...which is why I think the betrayals of her friends at the Boiling Rock affected her so deeply."

Zuko couldn't shake the shock. Judging from Aang and Katara's stunned faces, they couldn't either. "You're defending her like this?" Zuko said. "After everything she did? To you, to us? I mean--I want to help her, but..."

Iroh said tiredly, "Zuko. You know you want your sister to heal, so that you might be able to work things out for the better. She's not innocent, and she did terrible things. But..." and he breathed out, "I have done terrible things too, and when I was older than her and should have known better. I grew past them with time and because I was given a chance to heal and learn. I stand by what I said to you before--that she was crazy and needed to be stopped--but now she has been. Now, it's time for her to recover." He gently grasped Zuko's shoulder. "You know how powerful a chance at redemption can be, if you can only take it."

Zuko could feel his eyes growing hot. Even though he was still angry at Azula and irritated that Iroh had apologized to her, he knew Iroh was right. His own efforts to help Azula over the last few months had been a part of his desire to reconcile with her, or at least to see her heal. He didn't know if she could do it. But then again, Iroh was right. If Zuko could do it when given the chance, why couldn't she?

"Okay," Zuko said. "I...I think I understand." He took a breath and let it out slowly. "You're right. If she can heal and be better, I want to help. What's the rest of your news?"

"Ah, yes. She spoke to me." 

"She did?" Zuko said, surprised. He leaned forward. "That’s great! What did she say?"

Iroh's expression grew melancholy. "She said that she has trouble distinguishing between what is real and what is not. She asked me if I was real, so I told her yes. Then she said that the only thing she knows is real is...your mother."

"My...mother?" Zuko said, leaning back. "What do you mean?"

"She says every day, your mother comes to visit her in the cell," Iroh explained. "She says your mother keeps telling her that she loves her. But Azula became more agitated, and said your mother thought she was a monster, and that she doesn't understand why her mother would keep saying she loves her. She started tearing at her hair, rocking back and forth--and then she just went still, and went right back to how she had been before. Silent, staring at the wall, just breathing. I've never seen anything like it."

“She just...reverted?” Zuko repeated. “That’s not good...but at least she spoke! That means she might be healing, right?”

“I think so,” Iroh nodded. His brow furrowed. “I’m more worried about her hallucinations. Does she know what happened to your mother?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Zuko replied, thinking. “I only found out from Father when I confronted him during the eclipse. I doubt Azula would have asked.” He felt a trace of bitterness at that, but also pity. He remembered Azula on Ember Island, the contours of her face lit by the warm bonfire, saying that their mother had been right about her being a monster, that it had hurt. She’d reached out to him on that trip in her awkward, mean way. For the first time, Zuko really considered how Azula might have turned out if their mother had been present. In all likelihood, if Ozai had still been around, Azula probably wouldn’t have turned out that different. But maybe she would have, too.

“I see,” Iroh said, sad. He looked over at Aang and Katara, who were listening intently but starting to look confused. “Do they know about your mother?”

“Not the details. It hasn’t come up till now.” Zuko turned to them. “During the eclipse, I made my father tell me what happened to my mother. In exchange for my life and for her poisoning my grandfather to death, he exiled her to the farthest region of the Fire Nation down south.” He cleared his throat, feeling it tighten. “She took on a new name and identity, and died in a plague the year after she arrived. I found her grave—“ and now, he choked a little, “and I decided to leave it there, because I doubt she’d want to come back and rest here, where she was unhappy and abused.”

“That’s fair enough,” Aang said gently. “Thank you for telling us.” He put a hand on Zuko’s leg, and Zuko took a breath, steadying himself with the reassuring weight.

“Azula had a lot of issues with our mother,” Zuko said quietly. “She thought our mother rejected her. She didn’t. Azula was just getting to be a handful and my mother never got the chance to do anything about it. I guess it’s not surprising that she’s having hallucinations about her.”

“Indeed,” Iroh agreed. “Ursa wasn’t blameless, but being married to Ozai...there was very little she could do for herself or her children. She did her best. And while she might have loved you more, Zuko, she loved Azula too.”

There was a silence as everyone processed everything. Finally, Zuko said, “What are we going to do?”

“Keep visiting and talking to her,” Iroh said with resolution. “If she responded to me today, she might respond to you or others. Other than that, I’m not sure there is much more to do.”

“Actually,” said Katara, speaking for the first time in the conversation. “There might be,” she said grudgingly. “I suppose I can go see her, give her a health check. Sometimes water healing can help with mental illnesses, sort of help put the body in balance, even if it’s not necessarily fixing the mind itself.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment, surprised. Katara, out of all of them, still hated Azula the most. She couldn’t forgive her for what she had done to Aang and Zuko, or for what Azula had tried to do to her. And yet here she was, offering to help for the first time since Azula had been imprisoned. 

Katara let out a breath. “I’m still angry at her,” she said, staring into the fire. “I think I hate her sometimes. But I still think about the Agni Kai and how she screamed...it was horrible. She hurt us, but she was hurt, too. I don’t know.” She rubbed at her temples, frustrated. “I think I’m ready to try and help her, if not necessarily forgive her.”

Aang put an arm around her, steady and comforting. “Me too. If you do this, I’ll come too and do what I can.” He looked over at Zuko. “It’s your call. What do you think?”

Zuko nodded. “I think it’s a great idea. Let’s try it. Thank you both.” They smiled at him, and Zuko missed Iroh’s knowing, amused look at them all. 

“Uncle,” he asked, “do you want to come too?”

“Yes,” he replied. “I think some consistency will be good. Maybe she’ll respond to me again.”

“Great,” Zuko said, feeling hopeful about Azula for the first time in months, maybe even years, if he was being honest with himself. “Let’s set a meeting up, then. I need to check my calendar...” He got up and walked to his desk, rifling through his papers till he found his scheduling notebook. “Two days from now, in the evening?” He missed the look that went between Iroh and Aang and Katara, fondly acknowledging how busy Zuko found himself these days.

“Sounds good,” Iroh said, and Aang and Katara nodded. They wouldn’t be leaving town for the Southern Water Tribe for another two weeks, so there was plenty of time. Iroh got up and stretched. “I think it’s time for me to go to bed,” he said, yawning theatrically. “An old man needs his beauty sleep.”

“Alright, uncle,” Zuko said, smiling. “Have a good night.”

“You as well,” he replied, before winking at Zuko and saying, “I mean that to all three of you, of course. Get some rest that’s not on that office couch, I’m sure Zuko’s massive royal bed is large enough for all of you!” With that, he swept out of the room, leaving only a hot-faced Fire Lord and his two maybe-crushes laughing as the door shut. Sometimes Uncle was insufferable. And now Katara and Aang would be their most mischievous selves and insist—

“Your bed sounds like a great idea. So royal and comfy,” Aang snickered.

“It is pretty big,” Katara mused. “Typical Fire Nation pomp. A huge bed for a stick person.” Aang laughed while Zuko rolled his eyes and self-consciously adjusted his robe. “Very funny,” he said mutinously. “You two can go back to your room now. And sleep in your normal-sized peasant bed, which I specifically had made to humble the Avatar and the greatest waterbender of this generation.”

Katara stuck her tongue out at him before getting up, walking over to him. She tugged on his sleeve, grinning. “If we’re going to bed, then you should too,” she said resolutely. “Iroh was right, we should get some rest. _All_ of us.” She tugged on his sleeve more insistently when she saw him glance at the paperwork waiting on his desk. 

Aang came up to him on his other side, catching his arm with a soft smile. “Come on,” he said. “The work will be still be there tomorrow.” He took a quick look at the top few papers and made a face. “Also, some of that is from Governor Iko. I think he could stand to learn that the Fire Lord isn’t at his beck and call.”

“True,” Zuko mused. “He is an asshole.” After a few moments, in which he knew Aang and Katara could gleefully see him wavering, he gave in. “Fine. Iko and the rest of them can wait. I guess I am pretty tired.”

“It’s been a long day,” Katara said wryly. “Let’s go. We can all pile into Zuko’s big fancy bed.”

“Wait, my bed? Aren’t you going back to your--”

“Why would we go back to our "peasant bed" when we could sleep like the Fire Lord for a night? Come on,” she said, grinning. And with that, he was bodily dragged, mostly willingly, from his office and to his bedroom, where next to them, he slept far better than he had in a long while. His waking problems could wait a little, just until the morning. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula wakes up in prison. Ursa is there, as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late update: work's been busy lately. Updates won't be as quick. But I'll try to keep it up! Expect chapters up as soon as they're done. Tumblr's at pavoling.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat. Enjoy the chapter!

**Fire Nation Capital Prison**

Azula woke again and there she was, sitting calmly against the wall on the other side of her cell.

Azula sighed. Almost every morning was like this. There were rare blessed ones that weren’t, but most days, she woke to her mother in her cell with her, looking on as if she’d watched her daughter sleep. So Azula went through her morning routine: a quick wash of her face in the basin, then a rinsing of her mouth, then on to the plain rice and fish left for her breakfast. She ate in silence, efficiently, mechanically. The food tasted almost like nothing, though Azula figured that probably wasn’t her—just the lack of spices in prison food. When she was finished, she set the tray back outside of the bars through the thin slot and then climbed back onto her bed, taking up her usual position. It was time to face her.

Azula shuddered. Fear? Revulsion? Despair? All of it. She couldn’t get away and every day was a repeat of the same hellish day as before, no matter what she said or how she acted. Once, she’d thrown the basin against the wall, smashing it to pieces. None of them seemed to hit Ursa. When night fell and she left, Azula found the basin whole again in the corner as if it’d never been broken. It had made her afraid. Maybe the basin was a hallucination. She hadn’t tried throwing things again. “Mother,” she said. “I see you’re here again. You have nothing better to do, do you?”

“I don’t,” Ursa said, gentle as always. “I’m here because I know you need me to be.” Ursa was seated on the opposite wall, as far away as she could be from Azula in the cramped cell. She always looked exactly as how Azula remembered her: tall, graceful, young, beautiful, soft in a way Azula didn’t understand and could never be.

“Need you?” Azula scoffed, laughing. “All I want is for you to be gone. Father sent you away. He should have done it earlier. You did nothing but hurt me, you raised Zuko to be a coward, and then you had the nerve to come back at my coronation and take my crown from me, too. Now, you come to revel in my humiliation, to study me like an animal. Do you wonder how you birthed a monster like me?” Azula could feel the venom dripping off her own words. So be it. Throwing things hadn’t worked, and something deep in Azula stopped her from trying to physically hurt Ursa—the one time she’d considered it, she’d retched into the basin, overwhelmed with nausea, her head pounding with the memory of shattered mirror glass cutting into her hands and knees. All Azula had left was her words. “When will you have hurt me enough, Mother?”

“I’m sorry, Azula,” Ursa said, pained, like she always did. An endless litany of apologies that Azula shrank from and found revolting. “I didn’t mean to then. I don’t mean to now. I regret the way I raised you, and I know I let Ozai twist you.” Azula sighed even as she curled up more, defensive. Ursa was going to say the same things she always did.

“Please, Azula,” Ursa said, “Please understand. I don’t deny my responsibility to you or for what you became. But with a husband like Ozai…there was very little I could do for myself or for you and Zuko. And the truth is, you were certainly more Ozai’s daughter than mine even when I first saw you after you’d been born. You have his eyes, his face. You might not have become what he made you—a human weapon—if I had been there, but you always had a hard ruthlessness to you that Zuko didn’t.” She sighed and brought a hand across her face. “I knew you could protect yourself. Zuko couldn’t.”

“Because he’s a weakling,” Azula spat. “What, so you thought I was more capable than he was, so you neglected me? You punished me for being competent straight out of the womb? What a load of shit, Mother. Zuko was always weak. You love him because you’re attracted to things like yourself, seeking to ally with other powerless things. Too weak to fight Ozai, too weak to help yourself, too weak to protect Zuko.” Azula picked at her fingernails, reveling in being cruel to the one person she could still torture, day in and day out, even if the pain was usually reflected right back at her. “Ozai was a monster, yes. I know that now. But he was right about weaknesses, and I’m a monster just like him.” She moved her fingers, concentrating for a moment. Nothing, no flame—of course. Now she was too weak to even bend. Disgusting. It was a pity that Azula wasn’t enough of a coward to hang herself from her prison ceiling and end it all. “Weaknesses should be eliminated. Father should have killed Zuko that day—”

“Stop, Azula,” Ursa interrupted. Her face was twisted, painful, angry. “Enough. You don’t mean that.”

“I do, Mother,” Azula said with relish. “I do. He wears a crown that he stole from me. He has everything that’s rightfully mine, even though he can’t bend to light a match. He won’t have the strength to make the hard calls. The nation will fall under him and that will be the end of the royal family, and you know it.”

“Zuko is kind,” Ursa said fiercely. She leaned forward, though she didn’t move away from the wall. “Why can’t you see that kindness is a strength, Azula?”

“Kindness is vulnerability,” Azula hissed back. “Look at who I was kind to. Look how Mai and Ty Lee repaid me.”

“You weren’t kind to them and you know it,” Ursa shot back. This was how it was, day after day. At least today, Ursa was getting riled up earlier than usual. She didn’t usually start getting angry until the afternoon. “You terrorized them and they feared you. That’s not friendship, that’s control.”

“It’s the only safe way you can have people around you—”

“And how did that work out, my daughter?” Ursa cut her off.

Azula’s throat seized up. The silence sat, suffocating, still. Her eyes burned.

“It didn’t,” Ursa said softly. “Ozai taught you to be so afraid of everyone that you learned to think that being alone was safety. He thought that way, too. Nobody was a real person to him. They were only ever means to ends, things to be used to get his way. Azulon taught him that, did you know?”

Azula could only stare at her. What was Mother getting at? Who cared about Ozai’s past? Was Mother trying to tell her how fucked up Azulon was? Azula already knew that.

“Ozai wanted to turn you into himself,” Ursa said, her eyes so sad that Azula had to look away. “Did you want to become him?” Her words seemed to reverberate, echoing around the cell. “Do you want to be him?”

“I—I…” Azula couldn’t get the words out. Was she choking on them? “Ozai was strong. I’m strong. I can’t—I can’t let myself become like Zuko or you. Look at what happened to him—look at what happened to you…” Azula’s head was throbbing. She set her hands against her forehead, pressing desperately. The pain wouldn’t go away.

“And look at what happened to you,” Ursa said, so soft that Azula could barely hear it. “You were perfect, and yet he still cast you aside and hurt you. There was no way to win his love, Azula, nor any way to avoid his wrath. He never loved you in the first place.” For the first time, she finally rose from her seat at the wall and began to approach Azula. “He’s gone. But there are still people who can love you, truly love you, if you let them.”

“I suppose that means you, does it,” Azula said through gritted teeth, sweating. The pain was intolerable.

“No,” Ursa said, taking a seat next to her on the cot. The mattress sank beneath her weight, and she was warm beside Azula. Azula was shivering. She didn’t know why she didn’t resist when she felt Ursa’s arm come across her shoulders with a gentleness that made tears prick in her eyes. “I already love you. I mean Zuko.”

“Zuko hates me,” Azula muttered. “The gods know I do, and everyone else too.” Ursa’s arm tightened, and Azula fought the urge to cast it off with violence. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been embraced by her mother. She hated herself for it, but she supposed she was too tired now, after days and days of being worn down and cruel to each other, to leave this one small bit of comfort and warmth.

“He doesn’t,” Ursa said, her voice soft and quiet. “I promise he doesn’t. He’ll be coming again soon, Azula. He misses you.”

“He doesn’t,” Azula said, feeling tears spilling out of her eyes in earnest now. Disgusting, weak, awful. She clutched at her knees, trying to curl up tighter. “Why would he miss me? I hate him.” _I hurt him. I don’t regret it. I did what I had to do. He deserved it…didn’t he?_

“You don’t,” Ursa replied, so steady and sure. “You just have to decide, my love.” A gentle hand appeared and tipped Azula’s chin up so that she could see Ursa, eye to eye. “You’re strong enough to heal, and you know it.”

The pain in Azula’s head reached a searing point. She cried out and fell, trembling, into Ursa’s arms. As she slipped with relief into a dark, numb nothingness, feeling a vague sense of surprise at the way the day’s events had turned, she could feel Ursa’s gentle hands carding through her hair and her head being settled on Ursa’s lap.

“Sleep, Azula,” her mother said, soothing. “I’ll be here when you wake again.”

*

If an outsider had looked into the cell just then, they would have seen Azula sitting in her customary place on her bed, with eyes empty and body still, just breathing. It would have all looked completely normal, just Azula in her cell as she was every single day since her arrival in prison. Nothing would have seemed amiss.


End file.
